well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
