im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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