So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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