I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
