batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
