I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
honey bunches of taint.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
