so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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