Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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