five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
