in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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