i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
