TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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