new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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