Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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