i may or may not be watching the land before time
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
