You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
