I accidentally had phone sex last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
