I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize