you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's never too late to be topless.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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