She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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