yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
