nut hugger
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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