And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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