I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
