shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
