is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
