I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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