the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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