Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
