Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
