am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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