okay pat passed out under dana's car
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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