So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
