Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
