I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
