My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
