Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
