Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
