I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
