Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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