I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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