This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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