The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
