Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
