I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize