Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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