he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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