he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize