I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
