well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
