Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We smell like vodka and hangover
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