My first STD was from a foam party
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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