bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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