I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize