I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
