some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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