I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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