I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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