I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
