just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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