You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
