you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
