He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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